CLC Kissing Scene Competition

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JUDGES: I am only eligible for honourable mention.

Here’s a bit of context for the scene: This is from Resident 619, not the manuscript I entered in the BSD contest (Stars at Midnight). The girl/narrator has grown up in an AI-controlled compound and knows little of the outside world. The boy (Crow) grew up “in the wild” and was captured and brought back to the compound by the bots.

ETA: Here’s a bit more immediate backstory for this scene! They’ve been separated by the bots during the day, and she’s snuck out one night to make sure he’s okay. He leads her away to the edge of the compound where in his relief that she’s fine he kisses her – but she doesn’t know what a kiss is and pulls away in confusion. He laments, “Oh Sunny, you don’t even know what a kiss is,” and doesn’t try again. But after they talk, and they’re about to go back to their rooms, that’s when this happens.

“Crow?” I asked as he started to loosen his arms from about me. “What’s a kiss?”

The moonlight caught the corner of his mouth as he smiled. “This,” he said, leaning forward, “is a kiss.”

His lips touched mine again, and this time because I was expecting it I could identify the thrill in my belly as pleasure, not fear. The pressure was light, almost delicate as he brushed them across my own, and then I felt him open his mouth slightly, taking the edge of my bottom lip gently in his. I closed my eyes and sighed involuntarily. My skin felt electrified, the hairs all standing on end as he did it again, this time pulling gently on my upper lip. Instinctually, it seemed, I found myself repeating the movement, opening my mouth to close my lips on his.

I felt a strange burn spill from my chest through my body. I unthinkingly lifted my hands to wrap tightly around his shoulders, pulling him closer, trying to quell the unfamiliar throb of my body against his. He slid his arms around my back and suddenly there was no space between us; his body melted into mine, his mouth into my mouth, and I could no longer tell if we were breathing independently or as one or not at all. The world outside of us collapsed down to this one tiny, infinite instant, where time stood still and lasted forever.

And then he pulled his face away and we were standing again in the shadow of a building at the back of the Compound. My heart was thudding in my chest, my breath was slightly ragged, and I could feel heat through my face; I felt like I’d just experienced the most incredible ecstasy, and the building and the fence and even the forest and moonlight all seemed dull in comparison.

“Oh,” I breathed. I struggled to come up with something more to say, but my mind was empty, or perhaps still full of the kiss. “I like it.”

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36 responses to “CLC Kissing Scene Competition

  1. I wish someone would have explained my first kiss to me that way…hee hee! Great job :)

  2. Wow, I love the descriptions of the kiss. You have some great stuff in there. I wanted a tadbit more anticipation before the kiss, even if its just confusion on the girl’s part, wondering what he is doing and then oh there’s the kiss. Nice job!

    Jamie (entry #3)

    • Thanks, Jamie! The trouble with a 350-word limit is a lot of the lead-up gets cut out. There is actually an earlier bit where he kisses her in relief over her safety and she gets all confused about what he’s doing and pulls away, and he changes the subject. I added a little bit more backstory/setup in my intro at the start of the post to hopefully help.

  3. her line at the end is great!

  4. My favorite is the last line! I’m not crazy about the strange burn . . . I thought she was suddenly injured, but great descriptions! Good luck! (Lisa #4)

    • Thanks, Lisa! Re: the burn thing, originally it said “spilled from my chest to my groin”, which was probably more descriptive as to what exactly she was feeling, but I didn’t like the word groin and couldn’t come up with a more appealing word, so I changed it. Perhaps I should just take it out altogether. ;)

  5. The thing I love most about this is her slow progression from “what is the practical purpose of this whole kissing thing” to being so overwhelmed by it that she can hardly speak. Well done!!

  6. I love the last line :) it would have been great if the word count allowed for the full scene. I like the premise of the story from the set up :) I want to know why the aliens put people in camps!!

    • Thanks, Amber! Those short word counts are tough, eh? But I guess necessary. It’s a far-future world where the artificial-intelligence robots have taken control and rounded up humans to work in self-sufficient compounds making all the robot parts and necessities so the robots don’t have to. Kinda a role reversal of us and technology now. :)

  7. I love her line at the end. And also, I really like when she identifies the feeling in her belly as pleasure and not fear. That’s so true.:) Great job!

    Rebecca #21

  8. “…I could no longer tell if we were breathing independently or as one or not at all.” This is my favorite line, hands down. It’s beautiful and captures the intensity perfectly. Not only did I really like this entire scene, from your lead-in, I’m thinking I would love the whole story. It sounds right up my alley. Best of luck!

    Maggie (#27)

    • Thanks, Maggie! I’m pleased you liked that line, it’s one of my favourites in this scene, too. I’ve been surprised how many people have said the premise intrigues them – the story’s currently on the backburner while I work on another, but I’ll have to revisit it!

  9. Am I allowed to say how glad I am that you are already honorable mention? Because, honestly, there’s no way to compete with this! I absolutely love this scene, start to finish. Favorite line? “The world outside of us collapsed down to this one tiny, infinite instant, where time stood still and lasted forever.” Just please tell me when we get to read more.
    –Barb (#38)

    • Aw, thank you, Barb! That’s so sweet of you to say. Unfortunately, you won’t be seeing this anytime soon… it’s sorta on the backburner now while I work on a different manuscript (the one in the BSD contest). But I’d like to think that one has a lot of the same as this. :) PS – I love your avatar pic, such adorable ponies!

  10. Saybe, I think the scene is beautiful! I too love how she’s kind of “clinical” about it, and then becomes overwhelmed by it. Definitely keep working on this, it’s going to be awesome! And my favorite lines are about how they melted together and the line right after that. Overall, this is a GREAT piece!!!

    Virginia #7

    • Thank you so much, Virginia! Such flattering praise! I’ve been so pleased that everyone’s really liked this scene – one never really knows, putting it out there, what the reception will be like. Wish I could share the scene from my BSD contest entry!

  11. This is really sweet. I really like her uncertainty and how it takes her time to recognize that what she’s feeling is something pleasurable.

  12. *Kissing Expert Here*

    I really love the innocence of this scene and how it’s braided so wonderfully with such an intense kiss. And she is so utterly adorable at the end with the “I like it.”

    So you get the CUTEST COUPLE AWARD.

    Well done!

  13. really lovely. My favorite line was “I felt like I’d just experienced the most incredible ecstasy, and the building and the fence and even the forest and moonlight all seemed dull in comparison.”

  14. This is beyond adorable. I love the idea that she has no idea what a kiss is and that he chooses to show her. Her last line was perfect! So basic and innocent.

    I pretty much love everything about this. EVERYTHING. Thanks for sharing it. I loved your query and pitch too!

    -Amber (#41)
    My Kissing Scene

    • Aw, thank you, Amber! It makes my day to hear that. Everyone’s been so wonderful with the feedback, both on my entry and elsewhere I’ve been. It makes it a lot easier to share stuff when you get such positive comments!

  15. I think this is one of my favorites if not my favorite so far (and I’m almost done!). Her uncertainty and your description of her feelings is awesome! Well done!

    Larissa (#47)

  16. I really liked that she was “learning by doing” and paid so much attention to her body’s reaction, analyzing it. What a wonderful scene!

    Laura, Kiss #33, BSD #112

  17. The description of the kiss was great, but my favorite moment came right after – with this line: “And then he pulled his face away and we were standing again in the shadow of a building at the back of the Compound.”
    It really shows how a great kiss can block out the entire world and make one forget who and where they are! ;)
    Nice work – best of luck in the agent round since you’re already in!
    Melonie (kiss #29)

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